A love in disguise

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So many words praising rejection

of suffocating bodies in lethal passion

I’ve been hitting my head against a closed door

Unable to love and adore

For so long I was an empty shell

Roaming through my 37 autumns of Hell

Cracked opened, severed, splintered

Pretending not to feel,

Just so I could heal

From the exquisite Pain

Of Loving Them all in Vain.

All feelings I wanted to forget,

And put my soul to rest,

All emotions annihilate,

No longer willing to suffocate.

And then I saw your soul through your sad eyes,

Screaming like love in disguise,

All my dreams murdered in silence,

One last kiss as only remembrance.

And the warmth on my lips,

Your hands on my hips,

Embracing this moment,

While we’d both know the torment

that together could not be more than this instant.

I shall swallow my pride, for I knew long ago I’d never be a bride

I knew we would have no choice but to forget Soon

This one and only kiss under the Blood Moon.

Mattress sadness – version 2.0

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mattress sadness

As if I’d sink deeper into the mattress,

Suffocating in this loneliness,

This inner fire, burning desire, bursting into flames of nothingness,

makes me want to cut my flesh,

strangle and twist my neck with mesh.

All the lust you ignite, leaving me starving to bite

Your pale and beautiful skin

hoping to feel you from within.

One look into your deep dark eyes tells me I’ve known you long before

I even wished for more.

In sepia dreams and monochrome memories,

In a parallel analog world,

we danced and stared into the abyss we once created for ourselves.

Everything you are and were in a past life,

violently resurrects to my mind in a flash,

 as if you’d plunge the knife.

I am your witch at the stake, a drown Ophelia in a lake, a succubus in waiting,

I’d like to suck dry all your sorrows, may this dream last til the morrow.

And here I am,  standing in front of you, unable to mutter or reach out

You are all but a bitter cloud of dusk, the nightmare figure from a black out.

Mattress sadness version 1.0

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Let the devil speaks

 You’re trapped within yourself, unable to escape

I can hear every cell screaming inside

You think you can hide behind your primal eyes,

All your fears and insecurities, but I can see through clearly.

In your deepest pain there is beauty.

You charmed me by letting your insides out

I’ve been dying to know someone like you,

who knows that talking is too much to take,

while remaining silent is to suffocate

endlessly, alone, in vain.

If only I could tempt you,

To share the devil in you

If only I could reach out

And take your twisted insides out

Not even in my wildest dreams,

could I meet someone quite exquisite like you,

And just for being such a lustful genius

There’s no way I can ever forgive you …

Eat your pillow – the sleepless nights circle

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minimal death 2.0

Introspection hours lasting decades, like plunging the knife so deep inside,

Want to scream out loud, but there is no sound,

Alienated in my own pain and frustrations,

Backstabbing my soul, taking the blame, overwhelmed with feelings,

Unable to control,

Can’t expel it, can’t cry out loud,

Makes me want to eat my pillow at night and swallow it all.

Softly suffocate

My secluded mind

My sequestered soul

My unbelonging body

Meaningless days, wasted years wondering why even bother,

Trying to cope with endless torment and primal fears,

My inner-self trapped in a cage of flesh and bones,

Just willing to escape myself for real.